The Ol' Gray Mare, She Ain't What She Used To Be...

ain't what she used to be, she ain't what she used to be...

ha ha ha...it looks like I'm gettin' a belly! This is my attempt at my 4 month self-portrait...

hi lil baby! glad to see you are starting to make an appearance that looks like something more than the remains of a large lunch :)

since I cut off my head in the baby bump photo I figured it wouldn't hurt to try and get a decent one of me before my face starts filling out like my belly! you'll all notice that the jeans I'm wearing may look a little large...I finally decided to buy new ones to accommodate the extra inches (still don't know why there aren't really any extra pounds to go along with it - but whatever!) so I figured I'd try on a 27" waist...lol...that just barely fits around my belly! I figured that size was going to be too large! I guess it is a different style of jean than what I had been wearing...anyway, I ended up buying a 29! It gives me an inch or so of growing room...right now I have to cinch em up or let em sag! i was really surprised to find out that I am bigger than I thought. now, if only i could grow a little more so I don't have to keep wearing these jeans rapper style...

I had to add this adorable picture of our other "baby" and her "babies". I think she is excited about becoming a big sister. She hasn't said yet whether she prefers a little brother or a little sister...she just gives us this "I really don't want to share my bedroom" look when we talk about it. Kasey has really been enjoying having her bedroom right next to ours. It used to be that she would sleep on the couch outside our room until she finally went downstairs to her room, then in the mornings she would come up around 6 am & lay outside our door while she wagged her tail either against the metal return vent outside our room or against our bedroom door. Sometimes she would stick her nose under the edge of the door & sniff/snort a couple of times to make sure we knew she was there...just waiting to come in. Since we've moved to the new house she has been sleeping in the bedroom right next to ours...the one that will become the baby's nursery. At first she started coming to our door in the mornings but once she got settled in she began staying in her bed until we came to get her. I don't know very many dogs who get their own bedrooms & full size beds...is that wrong? Nah. She's not spoiled or anything.

So I am still having the tomato cravings...what a time of year for that...middle of Kansas & smack dab in winter without a fresh garden vine tomato to be seen for miles & miles & miles. Go figure, I'll be sick of em by the time they are ready to be picked from the garden again. Oh, and you just can't get good grapes here this time of year either! This is ridiculous...I want fresh fruits & veggies!!!!

For something totally off the subject...I was reading a friends blog yesterday & she was talking about how she has a tendency to live in the past. I was thinking that there was a time when I fell to that dilemma as well. Anymore I do well to live for today...you never know if there will be a tomorrow. Anyway, it got me thinking about life in general & my not so distant past life in the big A-town. I realized just how grateful I am to not be in that place anymore where I dread going to work every day...wondering what kind of physical touching I will have to acrobatically avoid & what kind of sexual comments are coming my way or what new & improved rumor I am involved in. I wonder why I just couldn't admit that no matter what I did to try & change the situation, no matter how much positive attitude I could put out there, that it wasn't really going to make any difference. I just couldn't give up & walk away from the situation when I wasn't the one doing something wrong. I figured that its not my place to leave a job that I am good at just because everyone else is forcing their opinions on me. I guess I'm just too stubborn to give up like that. I understand why women do just close their mouths & quit jobs like that - they aren't worth it anyway. In a way I guess I did just that...in the end I figured that I had better things to do with my time & money than to fight it. Heck, I didn't have to deal with it anymore so why should I continue trying to improve my environment when its no longer mine to have to deal with.

I have realized that I can put up with an intolerable amount of bullshit in my life. Most people would have looked at my situation and thought to themselves, "this is horrible, I am not going to put up with this, I'm getting out." Instead i chose the optimistic side of things & thought to myself, "this isn't so bad, there are way worse things in this world to deal with, I can make a difference." Boy, was I wrong! It is unfortunate that speaking up would only make things worse. Looking back I realize that I should have stood my ground the millionth time I spoke up, the bazillionth time I had a meeting with a manager (or with the owner for cryin out loud)...its just hard to see the reality of a situation sometimes when you are right in the middle of it. I kept thinking that one day I would go to work & there would actually be humans working there instead of animals! Ok, so not all of my co-workers fall into this category, there were the good & the bad (& people who had to put up with just as much as I did) but it is always the horrible ones who make it so miserable for everyone else & leave the lasting impression. Is it really too much to ask for someone to treat others with respect?

Well, in the end I am an improved, stronger, smarter person for all I've been through. And I won't say what those people are...because I'm better than that!

Tomorrow is our 10th wedding anniversary. Enough said.

I think I'll go polish my fingernails.

Dreams & Other Things

This morning I woke up at 2:13 am...but I didn't have to pee right away & I wasn't particularly starving...so, I actually fell back to sleep a couple of times! YEAH! This is a very good thing- that hasn't happened for quite some time. So I had a couple of dreams that I remember the generalities of...the thing is that several weeks ago I had very similar dreams one night. I don't know if any of you are interested in hearing about the dreams I had, but I'm going to tell you anyway!

One of the dreams was that I was sitting in the living room at the Little House and Nannie & Popo were sitting next to each other on the green couch. They were surrounded by this clear, warm light. I think we were all visiting but I don't remember exactly what was said. I just mostly remember that they were holding hands; I was facing them and Popo was sitting on my left & Nannie on my right. They were looking into each others eyes & smiling & they just seemed to be so happy together & so in love.

In the dream that I had several weeks ago, I was standing in the hallway at the Little House and Nannie was standing in the den. Again, she was surrounded by this magnificent light that just radiated from her & she looked so beautiful with her hair all done, so pretty & smiling. She looked at me and said, "look who's here" & gestured to the other room. I walked toward the kitchen and saw Popo standing next to the back door. I was so thrilled to see him & I ran up and gave him a big hug! We sat down on those little chairs with the needlepoint flowers on the seats & talked; again, I don't remember the specifics. I do remember that I saw Daddy standing outside on the back porch; he was talking to someone. I told Popo that I love him & miss him so much.

The other dream I had this morning was also about my grandparents. I dreamt that I was at Nannie & Grandaddy's farm & I was in the milk barn. (Yes, for those who don't know, both of my grandmothers were nicknamed "Nannie"). The thing is that it wasn't exactly the milk barn anymore. It had been converted into a bowling alley! In the separating room the storage vat was gone & the walls were lined with all kinds of pinball machines. The milking room had a couple of bowling lanes in it instead of milking stalls! This was all very strange. I don't remember all the details of what happened while I was there, although I know that I encountered my grandmother & spoke with her. I also remember something about these books that were lying around - they had leather covers engraved with an ornate "C" & they looked really old. When you picked up the books they left an impression in the wood underneath & you could see the mirror image of the "C". I've never actually seen books like this at my grandparents house...or elsewhere for that matter...but it was very interesting. I was doing some sort of research & reading stuff out of one of the books & Nannie was telling me something that I was writing on a legal pad.

Ok, enough about the dreams...back to reality...

So, I got up & made Ryan & I some English muffins this morning. My stomach felt weird while I was eating - almost puky weird but not - had that feeling yesterday too. Hope I don't go back into that nauseous stage again - that would be horrible! Of course, Ryan just said that anyone would feel puky after eating what I had made for myself - I put an egg & a slice of cheese, some butter & some miracle whip on my muffin - ok, he might be right! I shouldof stuck to his version - just butter & honey.

In baby news, my belly is getting bigger :) AND...I've finally gained weight! I am so excited about this because I was wondering how my body could be changing so much & my scale not saying anything different. I've gained a whole 2 pounds! Yea...just wait I won't be celebrating so much when I weigh in at 130! lol. But, they say you should gain 25 to 30 pounds overall so that isn't totally out of reach for me.

Also, I have found out that rubber bands just stink at keeping your jeans buttoned...they break & are just all around not good. But, the key is to take one of those little elastic hairbands (that I have a ton of just lying around - why didn't I think of this sooner?) and wrap it around your buttonhole! Ahhh, the heavens shine down upon the genius.

Speaking of baby things, Ryan has decided that we should name the little bugger, get this...Curious. I said, "like Curious George"? He says, no, not George...just Curious. Kasey seems to like it too, although she doesn't sit around rubbing my belly saying, "hello little Curious" and "there's a little Curious baby in there"! I'm really thinking that a more traditional name is in the baby's future...but for now I do have to admit that Curious is growing on me :)

Oh, I have to upload pictures of Kasey in her scarecrow costume for all of you to see! She was just adorable. We are thinking that maybe next year we'll dress her as the tin man with a little silver shirt & tin cans around her legs...complete with a funnel hat & a red puffy fabric heart on her chest! Wouldn't that be soooo cute? The only problem is that Kasey was pretty bummed that we didn't get to go trick-or-treating to her regular haunts this year. Maybe we can do a little belated spooking later. ha, ha, I just thought of something...we'll have a cute little baby to dress next year too...so we can dress the baby either as the lion or Dorothy depending on its sex! LOL! Maybe I can be Toto carrying a Longaberger basket...nah, we'll give Dorothy the basket. Ryan can be the Wizard!

She is always such a good sport about our nonsense! I should clarify...about my nonsense!

Ryan's parents are coming over tonight & we are going to get the trim hung in the basement this weekend! Yes! Of course, we are going to have to go over to the farm & check out the trails & the new weenie pit! And, we are getting our sod & landscaping next week! Yes! So I should go kill some more dust bunnies if I can track them down with my stealthy swiffer! Beware all dust bunnies - I'm kickin bunnies & takin names!